What to do when someone you like doesn’t believe in something you do?

We’ve all been there. You know? A situation that we wish it can go away because it’s stupid. Yeah… We have our own principals and values. We don’t wish to let them go. Why? Because they mean something to us and it’s something that guides us through life. If we let go of thing that guide us, what are we left with? An endless wondering and letting other people dictate what we should do, when and how. And nobody likes that. Nobody likes to feel like Nobody.

We have three situations that can imply here.

  1. Both sides don’t want to give up an idea that the other side should change their beliefs.
  2. One side is with an opinion in the first example and the other accepts that people have different opinions and should accept those differences.
  3. Both sides agree that they disagree and still don’t see their differences as something that will ruin a relationship.

What is this you ask? Well this is You. In one situation or the other you have been playing every single one of these roles with someone. At some point in your life you have been the Good and the Bad guy.

Believe it or not. You can’t always get it right.

So, sorry folks. The answer to this questions is not easy. Anybody who tells you that it is – lies to you just to, I don’t know, maybe get some money out of you. Life is complicated and messy and it doesn’t have a one way street for everything. Relationships and people interactions require constant attention and care.

You need to know what your goal is.

If your goal is to make that relationship work – choose No 3. Talk about your differences and accept what comes. Remember that person besides you isn’t your enemy. Accept that person for who they are.

Accept yourself, accept the other person, accept that your opinions are different, accept that you can change.

If you’ve come here to find some magical easy fix problem which will help you manipulate other people in believing what you wish them to believe – sorry, you’re in the wrong place. And you’re in the wrong set of mind, with wrong set of beliefs and values.

If you wish to make your life easier – you need to learn and let go of stupid things. You need to understand which ”fights” are smart and which are not. And that requires experience and many, many, many mistakes. Don’t be afraid of them – if you’re with the right person, who also chooses No.3, you’ll be just fine.

So, choose smart and kind.

Be smart and kind.

Do smart and kind.

Thank you for reading, again. And we’ll talk soon! πŸ™‚

Rating: 5 out of 5.

The Detachment

Is it healthy?

I’ve been thinking a lot about the role that detachment has in the process of loving someone.

Is it healthy?

This is the first question that emerged. On one hand I like to believe that we should allow ourselves to separate love for ourselves and love towards others. Many times in my life I’ve been given proof that without the first one, the other can’t prevail. If we focus love only towards ourselves, what is the point in living if we can’t share our joys and sorrows with others in order to grow? If we focus love only towards others, we will die inside and out like a flower that isn’t receiving water.

Detachment, if you ask me, is crucially needed in order for us to feel The Balance.

Others may perceive it as a lack of love towards them – How do we convince them that it’s not? Is it our duty to convince them? (I don’t think that it is, but I still don’t have an answer to the first question). How do we help them not to feel unloved in times when we just want to step back for a second to analyze ourselves?

In this situation, the famous sentence ‘ It’s not you, it’s me’ – seems like an appropriate thing to say. But, how will they take it? Not too well in my experience.

So, we need a little detachment. That’s a given.

But, how do we convince everyone else, that that is OK?

I would really like to hear you opinion. πŸ™‚ This is something that I need help with.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you. πŸ™‚

Rating: 5 out of 5.

The distress

What do you do when you are scared?

I know that all of us have been scared, at one point or the other… That’s OK. It’s normal that from time to time we find ourselves in a situation that is unknown to us and that, for the time being, we don’t know how to handle. Believe me, that’s great, because you’re living!

Think about those people who say that they never feel scared. From my point of view they’ve set themselves in the comfort zone so deep that they don’t have any new experiences, they don’t grow. And believe me – they are more scared than us who face the fear directly. They fear the fear. And what kind of living is that? Would you rather live and face the uncertainty or live in a safe bubble?

How do you deal with fear?

I’m not going to lie. Many times I’ve been put in situations that my body reacts like it’s going to blow up at any point. Don’t get me started with my mind. Complete chaos! Sometimes the words ‘It’s going to be OK’ – just don’t work. The mind is focused too much on the emotion, that no rational explanation works. So, what to do in that moment?

1- I cry.

Seriously, CRY! Not because you’re weak, or incapable, or …I don’t know what kind of self destructive though comes to your mind. Ignore it! Cry! Let it out, don’t hold it in. Holding it in will many times create an even bigger problem.

2 – I write the heavy thoughts.

Write EVERYTHING! If your mind says ‘Oh’-write it down. If the next thought is ‘ Yes’ – write it. Trust me. It doesn’t have to make any sense! Your mind is in chaos! Sense is not there! And that’s OK. Sometimes, we need to let the chaos out in order to understand the meaning. Sometimes we need to get everything out of the messy closet in order to put everything back where it belongs. Don’t be afraid of your messy closet – don’t be afraid of your mind – don’t be afraid of yourself!

Sometimes…you are NOT OK…and that’s, believe it or not…TOTALLY OK. πŸ™‚

I would really like to hear you opinion on this topic. So, please don’t be shy in letting your thoughts out. You can comment in the comment section below, or you can message me privately via influentialmovement@gmail.com

I’m looking forward to hearing from you. πŸ™‚

Rating: 5 out of 5.

The Family

Who do you consider a family member?

Yeah, we all know what the word Family means. But, c’mon, let’s widen our perspective just a little bit. Let’s dig deeper!

What does the term Family mean to you on a psychological level (remember, not biological)?

Someone who we can connect with verbally? Someone who shares those empathetic moments with us (you know, who can feel what you feel, vise versa)… Maybe someone who can read our minds without the words ever being spoken? A friend? A lover? An acquaintance?

Interesting thought…Can an acquaintance be considered family? Can our mind ‘accept’ that? Is it rational? Does it have to be?

Hmm…is considering a person ‘ A Family Member’ more related to our Emotional decisions or Rational? Does it have to be one or the other?

I think that both sides play a small part in the decision making. So, we need a balance. We need to explore all the perspectives.

At times like these, when such a virus is at our doorstep…Do we dare to let in anyone to whom we aren’t blood related? Do we dare to consider our neighbor a family member? Do our perspectives of other people change? Does our mind show us the ugly or beautiful side?

Unfortunately, I’ve seen both…Both in me, and in other people. I’ve made a mistake of letting my thought go as further as to avoid everyone. It’s the fear – which makes us act quite irrational.

I guess the only question we can ask ourselves in these moments is…

Who do I wish to be? πŸ™‚

I’ve been thinking about this question for two weeks… It’s easier to answer it when things are good – but, what about now when the circumstances are a little bit different?

I don’t want to be someone who is scared of living, and someone who isn’t willing to put out a hand for another human being. Life goes on with or without us – so let’s catch a wave and use it while we still can. πŸ™‚

Who do you wish to be? And, who are you now? Is your answer the same? I would really like to know and discuss it with you further. πŸ™‚

You can comment in the comment section below, or you can message me privately via influentialmovement@gmail.com

I would really like to build a interacting community here, so please, know that your inputs are valuable. πŸ™‚

I wish you and your family a very well day/evening (wherever on this globe that you are reading, thank you )

I’m looking forward to hearing from you. πŸ™‚

Rating: 5 out of 5.

The Balance

What does it mean to be In Balance?

What does being in Balance mean?

To be honest, most of the time, I feel like I’m swinging a bat, completely blindfolded and with my feat sealed to the ground by the unbeatable force of gravity. You know, like one of those inflatable plastic puppets that swirl all around, with no sense of direction what so ever.

Sometimes, I think that being in balance means just that. Making sure that you’re well grounded, but allowing yourself to swirl around (or, as Will Smith would say it – Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It).

I guess we could debate about this for a long period of time but, can we actually find The One and Only answer? My opinion is that we can’t. We’re all trying to live our lives the best we can. And, I suppose that we all have some kind of an idea on what that should look like…

Or, maybe we can get to the One and Only answer, which would be – Being in balance means being ourselves – and, that’s hard to figure out. Why? Because no one like us existed before – so we don’t actually have a clue on how we should live our lives. Who knows, maybe our lives are meant for us to explore that balance. To explore ourselves.

Maybe being in balance means that we should always strive towards it. Maybe it’s not something that we can achieve completely. If we don’t seek it, maybe we’ll be in chaos our whole lives.

And…maybe…some people like chaos – and that’s some kind of balance for them.

I think that it’s all about accepting things as they come, accepting ourselves as we strive or fall. Just believing that the next morning is smarter than the evening before. Letting go of what was, and accepting whatever comes next.

And I think that that is Ok….

Yeah, that’s completely Ok. πŸ™‚

I would really like to hear your opinion on this topic. So, please don’t be shy in letting your thoughts out. You can comment in the comment section below, or you can message me privately via influentialmovement@gmail.com

I’m looking forward to hearing from you. πŸ™‚

Rating: 5 out of 5.

The Human and The New Habit

Bad old habits won’t beat me πŸ™‚

You know how we have those moments when an idea pops into our head and we get so excited that we can’t wait to start making that idea come true? And then we imagine the bright, bright…Oh, so bright future – we get overwhelmed with joy and all those amazing things that we’re going to accomplish – until a day, week, maybe a month later (every person is different) that same exciting idea, bursts like a bubble.

Yeah… So far, that was my journey with this blog. πŸ™‚

And that’s OK. Do you know why?

Because new habits are hard to build. I’ve researched many articles about ‘habit implementation’, ‘habit switcheroo’s ‘ etc. And they all have one thing in common – the key is to Focus on the goal, learn from the results (good and bad). And that is the most ‘precise – simple – gives back your hope’ kind of rule that everyone should know when it comes to building habits.

Yeah, I admit, my focus on this blog wasn’t so sharp, and I have the results to prove it. BUT, I do have couple of amazing people that follow me, and that I follow, that somehow, I find my situation not so bad after all.

BUT, I am determined to do better. Because, this project means a lot to me, and it kind of sets the base for something even bigger that I have in mind (sorry guys, no spoiler alerts from this gal πŸ˜‰ I’m not the one to kiss and tell).

Anyway, The Human and The New Habit is about the acceptance of hard times in life and the acknowledgement that bad times aren’t our final destination. We need to learn how to separate the wishes from the goals.

Let me give you an example.

A wish is: Oh God, I hope my future boyfriend has blue eyes.

A goal is: I am going to be with that man no matter what!

Just kidding. πŸ˜€ A wish is something that sounds nice but you know that you won’t die if you don’t get it (a wish is not a ‘Deal Breaker’). Where on the other hand, a goal is a must! Something that you know you want and that you’re willing to do what ever you need to make it happen (And yes, a Goal is a Deal Breaker). Of course, don’t take those two examples I gave you too seriously. I wrote them just for the dramatic effect, to explain the NEED of making something happen.

Who knows, maybe to some people it’s a must for their partner to have blue eyes. People are acceptably and variously weird, and I’m Ok with that. πŸ˜€

The point I’m trying to make is: It’s Ok to make mistakes, just make sure you know what mistakes are important – or, what mistakes will help you get to your goal faster and smarter.

After all, that’s what this project is all about – Growing Smarter. πŸ™‚

If you feel like you have something to add, please do. I’m always open to hear from other people. The difference in our perspective is something that also helps us grow.

Kind and warm hugs!

The Memory Lane

Going down memory lane…

It was a cold and rainy day in B. Some of those days that make us rewind everything that came up until now. Do you have one of those days? I guess they are different for everyone. Some would lay back and begin reminiscing on a sunny day, some on a cold winter night by the window…To me – the rain, smell of the freshly cut grass and a warm brown blanket does the trick.

Who is to say what you’ll find on that lane. Maybe happy memories, maybe even the sad ones, bittersweet, sour…Anything is possible. But, somehow I believe that the memories come back to us, because we missed something important. Something that will help us overcome the obstacle that we face in the present moment, a problem that we don’t know how to solve.

So we, travel back in time, to experience everything yet again… The love, the pain… Everything. But, we’ll find it strange, because we can’t experience it in the same way. We simply can’t. We don’t have the same perception as we did back then. We see things differently. We see people in a different way. We understand better, we feel less/or more. We conclude faster and with more attention to detail. We understand that it is not about us. We are not the center of attention ,the moment is. And the moment is trying to tell us something. Something that we didn’t want to hear before.

Most of the time, the tragedies in our life aren’t so tragic after all. It’s our way of thinking that makes it seem that way. Life is flowing. It simply does that. Flows. And we give it a meaning. A happy meaning, a sad one… It’s completely up to us.

So, when we get back from the travel through memory lane, we need to remember one very important thing…

We are bigger than the moment!


The Friend

Dear Friend…

So, couple of months ago I watched the movie ‘Someone Great’ – and, basically, I Loved It. It perfectly captures that process of growing up, and that inner struggle between who you’ve been and who you’d wish to be.

It captures your inner and outer worlds, changing and collaborating through the change. The Love, the Scare, the Anger, the Excitement etc. The movie has it all. We all go through it. And that’s the amazing part. We are not alone in the struggles that the change is bringing along. It’s the ultimate test of who we truly are. Everything is transparent.

Of course, the process of getting over a breakup is not a stranger to any one of us. But, what truly touched me, and with what I genuinely connected with, is the path of a friendship through the change. I’ve had many friendships that didn’t end well and some that just naturally ‘died’. I guess I regret the most those that didn’t end great. Somehow, I believe that we all do.

I’ve learned something about a month ago. One of my dearest friends told me that he was going to move to America. And I’m not going to lie to you, in a split of a second, my brain went spinning like crazy! So many negative thoughts came to my mind and I was coming up with lots of silly excuses for why his moving away is a bad idea.

And then something happened. I didn’t say any of those things. When it was time for me to say something, somehow the focus in my head shifted from Me, to Him and his needs, wishes, and dreams. I patted him on the shoulder and such admiration and love came over me, that all I could say to him was – If that is what you believe deep down in your hearth to be your path, then I am giving you all my support and love.

Because, that moment, that decision that he made…It was for HIM. It was about HIS growth and change. And that took COURAGE. To move from Europe to America. A place where he knows no one, all alone. Just to go and make himself a person he wishes to be – that is damn brave. And I respect that.

He is my rock, my life counsel, my friend. And for all those years that he wished me love and happiness, while I was on the path of creating the person that I wished to be – now has come a time for me to be his rock, counsel and friend.

Fast forward to today – he changed his mind (hahahaha). No, he didn’t move to America. He found out that he doesn’t have to move so far away just to create the version of himself he wished to be (This was one of my negative thoughts that I wanted to tell him before, but I choose to let things unfold as they should – because that was a lesson that every one of us needs to learn on our own, that was his path towards the discovery of himself).

And the reason why I’m happy I didn’t say it before is because, let’s face it, it is rare for a young person to learn from the mistakes of other people. We like to make mistakes and learn from them on our own! Who knows, maybe he could have moved to America and made it! And my negative thoughs could have stopped that… We can never know what’s best for someone else. So, we should listen more than we reply and give out our opinions.

Believe it or not, this actually made our friendship stronger than ever! Sometimes, we just need someone who will listen and give us a positive support\
Now we are two rocks, two counsels and two friends growing stronger together. Friends are there to lighten our paths even brighter. To help us see the things when we are ready to see them. To help us love, laugh and grow stronger!
Now that I thinking about it, it looks like all that scare was actually a blessing in disguise. πŸ™‚

The Irony

Oh… The Irony… πŸ™‚

We love to make ourselves miserable.

Yesterday, I took a bus to work. Next to me, a woman was sitting and going through, what I conclude to be, her ‘Morning routine’ – going through today’s online newspaper that is well known for it’s not so positive, all about gossiping and hateful posts.

And all the way, she was sighing and shaking her head, not believing what she had just read – basically, making her sunny day miserable. And then, I suspect, got to work,feeling down and drained from all of the bad things she filled her head with just to encounter a colleague she, for some reason, doesn’t like just to end up blaming him/her for the bad day she’s having. Oh yes, that circle of bad energy that never ends…

So, it got me thinking. She was going through that newspaper because it basically became her habit. The bad habit.

In the beginning we do things consciously, and after that ‘action’ becomes a routine we stop thinking about it – ergo it becomes an unconscious habit. How many habits and beliefs do we have that hold our happiness to the bare minimum? You can’t help but wonder.

And the irony is, we live in a time where happiness has become a number 1 priority.

We want to be happy, but we do things that hold us back. Is it because of the comfort? I thinks so. We love to connect with things that in some way bring us closer to our good feelings. Maybe that woman remembers her dad was doing the same thing when she was little, she was very close to him, and that morning routine is something that connects her to him. Who knows, maybe it’s something else. Maybe she finds comfort that other peoples lives are also miserable and she connects with that.

How much more are we going to take the excuse that some other stuff in our environment are at fault for our misery? How much more are we going to play the role of a Guinea pig and run on that wheel of our never ending-self endorsed – beliefs that don’t help us be better?

And to think that all the way to work, I just wanted to grab that woman’s phone, or start a conversation about how beautiful the confluence of the Sava and Dunav river was in the morning. But, this is another issue of our belief that only strange people start a conversation with random people in the bus.

So, my belief about that stopped me from helping someone experience something beautiful from that morning. And it kind of made my day a little less brighter…

Oh, The Irony! πŸ™‚

The Truth

What is the Truth?

The hard truth is: ‘It is hard for everyone’ – it sounds so, refreshing? That we’re not alone in this big and crazy world. And that our struggles are not in vain.

Yet, just as that feeling of relief comes, or as some would say, just as that feeling of ‘Oh, that’s how everyone has it, that’s how I’ll have it, and that’s that! Why should I change anything?’ – something follows that relief… To me, that statement is like yelling in my face: ”They’re unhappy, why should I be any different? ”

For any of you who’ve read the post ”Acceptance”, let me tell you – this is that ‘wise’ moment we’ve all been waiting for. Don’t let the widely acceptable thing turn out to be acceptable to you, just because it is acceptable for everyone else! You don’t have to live in misery!

As my mentor would say: ”How dare you consciously make a decision to let your life be miserable? Who are you to do such a terrible thing to yourself?”

Dear friends, please, when you see yourself walking the wrong path…Rebel! Rebel to that dying need to accept! Sometimes, we need to make ourselves do the right thing.

As I’ve figured out, there is no ‘Ideal situation’, nor an ‘Ideal way to figure what’s the right path’. But I strongly believe that every single one of us has that basic ‘Right and Wrong’ scale, build up in our mind, and that helps us weight the standards.

I strongly believe that we all know what’s right! πŸ™‚

So, Rebel! Trust me, there is liberation in that as well! πŸ™‚ And isn’t that also refreshing?

Thank you! ❀

I also believe that we’re all different people, with different life experiences – so, as such I would really like to hear your advice to me (and the rest of the community). The idea of this blog is that everyone can be a teacher, and a student. To turn this little space on the internet into a Growing Community. So, what would your advice be on this matter?

Who knows, maybe some (or all) of your comments expand my (or someone else‘s) way of thinking. πŸ™‚ Everything is possible – shall we agree that this, is acceptable! πŸ˜€